Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
