My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
