Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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