Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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