i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
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