I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
