Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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