I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
