Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
