Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Hippo gnu deer
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
sex in a hospital.. check
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize