WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
