The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
