just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
