Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
