This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
