4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
