She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I supernannyed him into submission
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
