you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
