I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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