with your own penis?
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
