"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize