Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We need to get me chipped asap
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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