i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
