Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
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