if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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