I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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