Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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