Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
