im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
