He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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