your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Randomize
