I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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