I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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