Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
