Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
