Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
