That's when you crack a 10am beer
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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