home. puking in laundry basket.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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