Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
