bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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