do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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