The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
