the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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