new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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