Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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