Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
