Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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