I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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