why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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