i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
drinking out of a sandbucket again
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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