I accidentally burped into my bong.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
