Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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