Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
