i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
