Who did Billy Mays play for?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
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