i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
