I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize