No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
