grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
