your thong is hanging out like whoa
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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