What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
