Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
