Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
