How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize