I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
