operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Randomize