I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
