Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
