This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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