Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
