good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just had sex on a roof
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
