Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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