He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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