i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
