So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
