Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize