It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
