nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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