i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
