Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize