what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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