I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
