If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
