I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
