May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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