Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
