Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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