Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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