Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
