Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
