she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
