Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
And then he peed in my hair
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize