Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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