Apparently you make a good broom.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
