Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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