Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I need to sanitize my soul.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize