I just saw a hot homeless man
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
