Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
