that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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