I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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