someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
that is very illegal...i love you.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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