We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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