I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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