This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
