apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
