I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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