This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
