I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
