I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
